One of the things I remember best from my childhood is having a million books at my house. Okay, maybe it seemed to be a million. I had my own books, my sister had her own books, I suppose my parents had their own books, and then there were the collective books of the house. We were all readers - my father made me read an article a day from The New York Times starting at the age of seven. Shabbat afternoons were for reading - actually any day or night was for reading.

And while my parents censored what we watched,... more

Most people I know are pretty open about their adoption, the process, the ones that fell through. They talk openly about it alone or in front of their children - all who are aware that they are adopted and that this is part of their story.

One adoptive mother in town told me about some mistakes they felt they had made with their first daughter, in telling her early on details of her birth mother's full name and I guess some background information. She - a young girl at the time - then went around to many of her friends and told them. I guess it put the adoptive parents in a weird situation.

With us, we've tried as much as possible to keep the details of Anna's history private.... more

Anna is four. She realized at an early age that her skin is 'brown' and my husband and I are 'tan.' Just as she understood that she was a girl and other creatures are boys. She knew she was adopted. She knew she was Jewish. Today, at four years old, she is still working to put the pieces together. And underneath all my feelings, as much as I suppress it and have never voiced the thought, I wonder if we made the right choice for her.

I know we made the right choice. Anna could have spent her entire childhood bouncing from foster home to foster home, only to find herself on the streets at eighteen years of age. I know Anna could have been abused in the system. I know how she may have... more

I've talked about this issue before, but not for a while. What's in a name? A great deal of thought, time and hope. And often times, in an adoption situation, you are not the only one naming your child. In our case, as in many others, our daughter "came with" a first, middle and last name. When we were able to officially adopt her, there was no question about changing her last name to match ours - she was now part of our family. But we really liked her first and middle name, kept it, and gave her a Hebrew name when she was converted. Here are some things to keep in mind, and some places to look while you think it over.

-- Does s/he have a name already? If your child has already been... more

I went to a meeting for Jewish Adoptive and Multicultural families in New York last week. Unfortunately, I came late and had to leave early, so I didn't get the benefit of the whole evening and missed out on shmoozing with other parents, which I really would have liked. But what I heard was good - it reinforced a lot of ideas and things that we are already doing as a family, and I was also able to pick up some literature that I'll be combing through over the next week or so. Although it seemed to be geared mostly to Jews adopting from China, a great deal of what was said is applicable to any adoptive parent.

Some ideas that I wanted to share with you -

-- If you... more

I was just reading Rebecca's post over at the Viet Nam Adoption Blog, talking about scrapbooking for the adoptive family. Those of us who are foster families are familiar with the term "Life Book" or those who have adopted older children may be familiar with the term as well. A Life Book is essentially a scrapbook, photo album, journal or a combination that chronicles your child's journey through different homes and places, and gives him or her some sense of history and normalcy. I have worked on a Life Book for each of the children we have fostered, and I saved Anna's book from her foster family as... more

Apparently, there are several books out there that explain why we are who we are based on what number sibling we are in our family. Perhaps I should read one or two. But how much is really controlled by our place in the pecking order? And how much would we change if our place was somehow changed?

Personally, I think that the answer really depends on the individual. For some people, their place among their siblings may not have had a large influence on who they became as a person. Perhaps if they were moved from second oldest to youngest among the children, their personalities would have remained very much the same. For me, I know that I am the typical type 'A' personality of the oldest... more

As an adult now, looking back on my years as a kid, I don't remember when I first walked, first read a book or first crossed the street by myself. But I do remember when I first asked about certain things. I remember when I first talked to my mom about sex (and I can clearly remember being disgusted by the answer). I remember when I talked to my father about aliens. I can remember talking to my grandfather about death, and I can remember him dying.

As a parent now, I somehow follow the crowd of other parents, focusing in on when my kid cuts a new tooth. I take photos of my little one taking those first few precious steps, and I know their weight and height and percentile in their... more

How important is it that we know our family history? How important is it to know where we come from, biologically speaking? How crucial is it to know if your paternal grandfather had diabetes, or if your aunt has high blood pressure? How much of an influence do our genes have on us?

I came across a quiz on the internet that can give you an approximate life expectancy based on your answers to certain questions about your lifestyle and family history. The link can be found here. I was surprised to find that an answer of "Adopted/ Don't know" was given as an option to some questions with regard to family medical history - and I was pleased to... more