Part of the process of adopting a child through foster care is waiting for the outcome. I suppose that waiting for something to happen is very much part of any adoption process, but when you adopt a child through the state's foster care system, you are usually taking in a kid who is not legally available for adoption. Whether or not you'll be able to adopt the child is something that may take months or even years to sort out. It's a gamble.

It's not something that I'd recommend to every parent. To us, the idea of having a child come into our house, fill our home with baby and kid stuff and then to have that child leave would be heartbreaking - that is, assuming we had our heart set... more

The other day I shared with you Anna's story - a simplified but true version that I am easily able to tell her at bed time. I wanted to share a comment I received and give a follow-up:

Rakefet writes:

... I love the story, but maybe you could add where Anna was and what she was doing from the time she was born until you found her. After all, every person's story whether or not they were adopted, starts when they were born.

First of all excellent comment. I guess I didn't include the part that... more

Adam's case was set to go to trial at the end of May, but for various reasons got pushed off. I am still waiting to hear about a new court date which I am hoping will be soon. As much as I obviously hope - for our sake - that the case will go to termination and we will be able to adopt Adam, it could still go either way. Regardless of what the determination is, I hope the case is decided soon so we can know what is going on.

Anyway, I met with his law guardian this week. When a case is in court to determine guardianship or issues of termination, a law guardian is appointed to represent the interests of the child or children in question.

Adam's law guardian discussed the issue... more

Anna is four - or as she will put it, "almost four and a half," which I seem to recall makes a difference at that age. She is our eldest, and so we are of course making all our mistakes with her and sort of learning as we go.

This past Shabbat, we had lunch with friends of ours who have a boy about Anna's age. They had gone off to play for a bit and returned when they smelled dessert - a trait I believe all children are born with.

When the two of them came back, the boy started talking to me about skin color. He said, "it's not healthy to have dark skin." I suggested that no, in fact many people are born with dark skin and many people are born with light skin. We - this boy... more

I think that there are points in one's life where you want to fit in - dress the same, talk the same, look the same and act the same as everyone else. At other times in your life, you may choose to stand out - kids often reach this point in the early teenage years or when they go to college - trying to find out who they are.

It is my belief that children who are adopted may be forced to make these decisions a bit earlier on, or at least are more conscious of the fact that they are making those decisions at all. I always thought that I'd be the parent that wouldn't give into requests from my child trying to be like the other kids in her class (example: Sara has Barbie shoes - I want... more

So, how superstitious are you? Historically, Jews were stereotypically superstitious (say that three times fast), but then again so was the rest of the world. Nowadays, I think it's safe to say that the majority of the modern world has moved away from getting worried about black cats or bad dreams or what-not.

And yet. And yet I am superstitious about some things. I will not buy someone a baby present before they have actually had the baby. I will not wish someone a "mazel tov" (congratulations) before something has actually happened. And as much as we treat Adam as our own kid, I have a hard time referring to him as 'our son' when, at the moment, he is not ours.

The other... more

Most people I know are pretty open about their adoption, the process, the ones that fell through. They talk openly about it alone or in front of their children - all who are aware that they are adopted and that this is part of their story.

One adoptive mother in town told me about some mistakes they felt they had made with their first daughter, in telling her early on details of her birth mother's full name and I guess some background information. She - a young girl at the time - then went around to many of her friends and told them. I guess it put the adoptive parents in a weird situation.

With us, we've tried as much as possible to keep the details of Anna's history private.... more

Yesterday, we took a family trip to Sesame Place on the way home from the weekend Bar Mitzvah. I have to be honest, I am generally not an amusement park type person. Growing up, we were not a family that frequented Disney or Great Adventure. But I liked Sesame Place. I liked how it drew an extremely diverse group of people. I liked how the place was filled with little kids - really little. I liked how Anna could go on most of the rides, even though she is only four. I liked how the place was teeming with strollers.

And I liked to see how young... more

There has been good talk on many adoption blogs lately about Mother's Day - who is it really for? What about Birthmother's Day?

In my family, Mother's Day has always been a day for giving my mother a card and small gift. People ask me if we - as orthodox Jews - celebrate Mother's Day because it's not a Jewish holiday. While Mother's Day has no Jewish origin, it is also a secular holiday with secular founding - unlike Halloween or Valentines Day, which are mostly secular now but come from religious origins. Mother's Day is a great time to make money if you are in the flowers, chocolate or card business. We don't "celebrate" Mother's Day with a mandatory dinner or formal exchange of... more

Anna is four. She realized at an early age that her skin is 'brown' and my husband and I are 'tan.' Just as she understood that she was a girl and other creatures are boys. She knew she was adopted. She knew she was Jewish. Today, at four years old, she is still working to put the pieces together. And underneath all my feelings, as much as I suppress it and have never voiced the thought, I wonder if we made the right choice for her.

I know we made the right choice. Anna could have spent her entire childhood bouncing from foster home to foster home, only to find herself on the streets at eighteen years of age. I know Anna could have been abused in the system. I know how she may have... more