In an earlier post, I talked a little about when a child becomes part of the family - and in an adoption situation it almost seems to be more complex. However, I think that it actually is more concrete than being pregnant and expecting a baby. In that situation, one has the hope of a baby - the expectation of something happening. In an adoption situation, once you are given a referral, you have concrete proof that this child exists. You have a name, a picture or two, information on his or her background and plans in the works for you to bring your child home.

I know that when Anna came to us, it was a Monday. Over that week, we spent as much "alone" time with her as we could, and... more

Anna, our daughter, is four years old going on fourteen and is adopted. Adam, who turned one year old today is our foster baby and we may or may not be able to adopt him depending on how the situation unfolds. Our four year old has recently been reminding him (not that he cares) that he's not adopted and not part of our family, but he's just living here with us for now. As much as I don't like her attitude with him on this issue (and that's a separate topic altogether which I will entitle "Help! A teenager has taken over my pre-schooler's body!") I know that it is very important for her to know the difference between being a biological, adopted or foster child. There is a very real chance... more

Apparently, there are several books out there that explain why we are who we are based on what number sibling we are in our family. Perhaps I should read one or two. But how much is really controlled by our place in the pecking order? And how much would we change if our place was somehow changed?

Personally, I think that the answer really depends on the individual. For some people, their place among their siblings may not have had a large influence on who they became as a person. Perhaps if they were moved from second oldest to youngest among the children, their personalities would have remained very much the same. For me, I know that I am the typical type 'A' personality of the oldest... more

Most people with kids have some sort of a bedtime routine for them - or at least try to. It helps the kid with understanding the schedule and accepting that it is, indeed, time to go to sleep - and there is not much they can do to avoid it. While we are still working on convincing our children that they actually are supposed to be sleeping at night, we have at least established some sort of routine. After getting into pajamas, Anna gets either ten more minutes to play or one or two stories, depending on how late it is. When I lie down with her in bed,... more

Happy Passover, Joyous Easter and Happy Sunday to all.

We are busy chopping onions, mashing potatoes and running to the supermarket for more butter. I wanted to go out to look around for a new dryer (alas, ours is dying) but basically everything is closed. The kids are going slightly stir crazy as it is actually snowing outside, but I plan on getting everyone out of the house to synagogue tomorrow. Enjoy ther rest of Passover - I'll catch up with all on the other side of the holiday!

When I was little, I marked the passing of time with the coming and going of Jewish and secular holidays on the calendar. Chanukkah was exciting, full of goodies to eat and little presents, and also meant that Spring was just around the corner. New Year's eve was a special treat to stay up way, way past bedtime and drink champagne with my parents at midnight. July 4th brought a huge family bar-b-que at my parent's house, but also a sad reminder that we'd be going shopping for school supplies soon.

In general, I dislike shopping for clothing and clothing related items. However, shopping for new shoes for two of the holidays was always something to look forward to. We got black or dark... more

The holiday of Passover (Pesach in Hebrew) is rapidly approaching. There are four weeks between the holiday of Purim and that of Passover, and every year it seems shorter than it actually is. Passover actually starts long before it appears on the calendar with Biblically mandated Spring cleaning. Theoretically, we are cleaning our homes of all leavened things (bread, crackers, cheerios left in the cracks of the sofas) but most people seem to take it a bit further, ensuring that the entire house is thoroughly cleaned before the holiday.

We have a small house and growing family. Actually, I just blame them. The real issue... more

Continued from this post here.

What do we tell Anna? Our daughter who came through a similar process of being in foster care, then placed with us for adoption, then adopted. When we got back from our trip to Israel over the summer, we told Anna that we would be looking for another baby to adopt, (she had been asking for a little brother or sister for months) and Adam came to us shortly thereafter.

What do we tell Anna? All along, I've prepared myself for the possibility that he may not stay, and I've tried to bring it up to Anna as well. I've said things like, "Well, right now Adam... more

Continued from here.

Adam, our foster baby, has been with us since mid-September. Actually since right before the Jewish new Year. We were told from when he was placed with us that they were planning to process his case for adoption, that there was no real chance of him going back to his biological family. There were possibly a relative or two that was looking for custody, but it wasn't going to be a suitable situation.

Over the last few months, I've heard drips of information come in regarding the details of the case - one of the hazards of going through the state foster care system.... more

There's a balance between telling the whole truth, sugar coating the truth, telling something that's not quite the truth, and resorting to the phrase I have vowed not to use, "Ask me when you're older." I've so far managed to keep that vow.

Anna is nearing four years old. She is black, adopted and Jewish. She spent time in foster care before coming to our home. She is growing up with babies and children coming in and out of her life and while struggling to make sense of that is also struggling to make sense of her own truth. How much and what to tell, and when, is something that I deal with on a daily bass.

Anna is learning about the birds and the bees on an almost four year... more