Do you take the easy way out of an adoption conversation? Do you get into personal details with strangers? At what point do you change the subject? Or do you generally avoid the conversation altogether?

I was on a business trip yesterday and got into a conversation with two people whom I had never met before and probably won't see until this time next year on this trip again. I had mentioned that I have an adorable little girl, three years old, who had not slept much the night before. Unless there is a real reason to bring up the adoption issue with perfect strangers, I generally don't, but I'm not averse to talking about it and am generally pretty open about our story. We had spent... more

Our daughter, now three years old, came to us via foster care through DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services). She was fortunate enough to have lived with the same foster family from the time that she was one month old until about fifteen months when she came to our home.

The people that she lived with are wonderful people - the best you can find. They loved her dearly and I know miss her. We've had a pretty open relationship with them, exchange pictures and gifts, and get together about once every few months. And they continue to tell us that we are wonderful people and that we are doing so well with Anna.

The only 'wrinkle' is that they are Christian - Evangelical... more

Yesterday I was at a friend's house where our kids were playing together. This particular friend and I have been close since high school, got married around the same time, both ended up living in the same town, and have the same general outlook for where we see our family in ten years. She knows about all the fertility stuff I went through - to the best of her ability as someone who never went through it, and got pregnant easily and had a real live baby. I have explained to her several times why we did not continue to pursue fertility treatments and decided to get "off the train."

But... more

For us, finding out that we could not have children was both good closure and a life sentence at the same time. We had gone through much heartache, many horrible tests and several procedures. We had emptied our pockets a bit too. At the time, we were discussing adoption more and more, but really wanted to go through our options biologically first. As much as I wanted to have both biological and adopted children, I really couldn't see me being pregnant and doing all the paperwork for our first adoption at the same time.

On the other hand, it really was a life sentence when... more

We often hear that people are too busy these days - too over scheduled, over worked and whatever else. We hear that we need to take a breather and stop and smell the roses. I tend to think it goes further than that.

I was driving back this morning from a weekend away. It was about six am and twelve degrees outside, but it was breathtaking. Over the next hour, as I drove through the mountains, I watched the sun rise. I really can't remember the last time I did that. I happened to be alone in the car - my husband and daughter were coming back separately - and I had a three-and-a-half hour drive to myself to do some good thinking.

And I realized that I'm in a great place in my... more

One of my friends casually remarked to me recently that I couldn't possibly understand how busy she is because - you know - I don't work full time. My friend, who I love dearly, is newly married, no kids, and quite naive. I quickly set her straight.

No - I do not work full time. I work part-time outside of the house. Part time is still 20 - 25 hours a week. In my spare time, I sit at home watching movies and eating bonbons.

Oh wait - reality check.

In the time that I'm not working outside of the house, I am -

Chasing a three year old - she's home with me three days a week Doing volunteer work for... more

I mentioned in an earlier post that many Jews (and others as well) shy away from doing the traditional baby shower. Some do "the baby shower thing" or "the baby registry" - even among the orthodox - but many choose not to have one prior to the baby's arrival for a variety of reasons, many self explanatory.

We all have a different approach to dealing with the whole buying-for-baby thing. Some women, upon finding out that they are pregnant, go out immediately and not only buy a full maternity wardrobe, but stuff for the baby as well. I was so glad that I didn't do any of that during my short-lived pregnancy, and only had... more

While researching adoption, I came across many articles and recommendations that advocated keeping your child’s name if s/he had already been given one by their birth family. By keeping their name – even if you make it into their middle name – it shows that you are respecting their heritage and not trying to hide where they came from. As much as we were committed to doing this, it presented a small wrinkle that needed to be worked out.

From unaffiliated all the way to orthodox Jews, it is a long standing tradition to give a child the name or Hebrew name of a deceased relative. This is not a requirement, but is something that parents very often do to honor the memory of loved ones... more

When I'm chit-chatting with people about our adoption story, why is it so important that I tell that we tried to have biological children? Why do I have to stick that in? Why do I get upset if my husband leaves that part out?

People consider adoption for a variety of reasons. I was at someone's house (BIG disclaimer here: I do *not* watch this show. I do not like this show. If you do, great. But I don't.) while they were watching 7th Heaven. If you're not aware, its this campy show about a big family that's always happy. This one particular episode happened to be on... more

I'm frustrated by people who think they know the answers, people who tell you their opinion as if they have a degree in the subject even though they've never walked a mile in your shoes, let alone a yard or two. As much as we tend to advocate talking about our issues and getting things off your chest, there is something to be said for keeping private matters private. For one thing, you avoid opening a Pandora's box of nosey questions.

What is amazing to me is that so much time has passed since we announced to our family in one breath: We-tried-to-have-kids-had-a-tough-miscarriage-yes-I-know-we-didn't-tell-you-yes-I-could-get-pregnant-no-I-can't-get-pregnant-again-Guess-what?-we-are-adopting-soon-and-by-the-way,-she'll-probably-be-African-American-no-we-are-not-crazy...nice... more