This Tuesday is the Ninth of the month of Av, in Hebrew called Tisha B'Av. I always have trouble calling it a holiday per se, because in my mind, the word 'holiday' evokes a sense of joy and celebration. Tisha B'Av is neither of these things. It is a fast day - a day of mourning and remembrance.

I find that happy holidays are much easier to explain to children and certainly much easier to get them involved with days of celebration. Those holidays tend to have family centered or family friendly rituals, foods and customs. Also, they often are marking an interesting point in our people's history - for example, Passover marks the... more

Hey All - we've updated our email accounts.

If you're looking to contact me, please do so at

NaomiS AT Adoptionblogs DOT com - obviously replacing the @ for the word 'AT' and . for the word DOT

Thanks!

Naomi

A few years ago when we "got off the train" as I like to say, and stopped pursuing treatments for infertility, we turned to adoption. I know that we had talked about the possibility of adopting before we got married, as we suspected that I may have trouble conceiving, but nothing was ever carved in stone. I also don't recall having a serious sit-down discussion with my husband regarding our options post fertility-hell. I guess it was just obvious to both of us that we would go through the adoption process.

And yet, it's not so simple for many people. There is a huge pressure to have children within the Jewish community - we have all gotten the "So, when are you going to have a baby?"... more

"What's it like having adopted kids?" Is a question I have actually been asked. While I'm never sure what the best response is to this kind of a question, the answer - in my opinion - is this: "Having adopted kids is pretty much like having biological kids."

Try as we might, I think that it's hard to imagine our life with kids - before they join the family. Dooce - a blog I read off and on - put an interesting spin on explaining life with children: Friday: "For those of you who do not have kids and have ever wondered what life would be like, just go turn on a blender and stick your... more

Going through the adoption process, there may come a time where you look for an adoption support group in your community and can't seem to find one. An adoption support group is an asset to the community for many reasons and benefits parents as well as children involved.

You can set up an adoption support group in your community!

-- Is there an established group? Was there one at some time in the past that you can resurrect? These may be obvious questions to ask, but they are important to find answers to. If there is an established group already, I suggest you try it out, possibly talking to the leadership about taking an active role. It is generally difficult... more

Who's afraid of an open adoption? Lots of people. Really - even today, in 2007, when adoptions have come such a long way from the back alleys and black markets, people are still afraid of committing to an open adoption.

And it is a scary concept to a large degree. A lot of the issues stem from fear of the unknown - maybe this isn't the adoption you imagined. But the more you read about it, and the more you talk to people - maybe even a potential birth mother - it seems like a good idea.

And yet... Will I be the real parent? Will my child's birth parents come and take my child back? Will other people understand the arrangement? Will our child be confused?... more

As your child grows, and continues to learn about his or her unique history, it is inevitable that questions will come up - even when you least expect it. And, as a Jewish adopted child, your kid will have even more questions on the topic than other adopted kids who don't have the religion factor to deal with.

Get ready for questions like these: Was I always Jewish? How did I get to be Jewish? Is my birth mother Jewish? Is she upset that I'm Jewish and she's not? Why don't I look Jewish like the other kids in my school? How do I know if G-d want me to be Jewish? What if I don't want to be Jewish anymore? Can we have a Christmas tree like my birth siblings?

Some kids are more... more

The other day I shared with you Anna's story - a simplified but true version that I am easily able to tell her at bed time. I wanted to share a comment I received and give a follow-up:

Rakefet writes:

... I love the story, but maybe you could add where Anna was and what she was doing from the time she was born until you found her. After all, every person's story whether or not they were adopted, starts when they were born.

First of all excellent comment. I guess I didn't include the part that... more

Our bedtime ritual is having special time for questions. My husband loves to read the kids books and does all the funny voices that I honestly don't have the strength for at the end of a long day; so when he's not around to do bedtime, I lie down with Anna and say "Do you have any questions?"

Lately she's been saying she wants to tell me jokes, but I convince her to tell me her jokes in the morning and that it's just time for questions. She often asks me to tell her the story of her adoption. I think that everyone should be able to tell their child the story of how they got here - this is Anna's story as I tell it to her.

Mommy and Daddy were little kids just like you a long... more

Some thing that I haven't really touched upon is dealing with anti-Semitism when going abroad to complete an international adoption. Some people will report having no problems whatsoever, and others may find themselves in rather uncomfortable situations.

Whether a person is recognizable as a Jew from appearances or not really does not necessarily matter in terms of whether that individual will face some form of anti-Semitism in his or her lifetime. But how much should we hide who we are to 'protect' ourselves? And how appropriate is it really?

I remember being in school at times when things were not so good for the Jews around the world or in certain areas. During the days... more