Anna is four. She realized at an early age that her skin is 'brown' and my husband and I are 'tan.' Just as she understood that she was a girl and other creatures are boys. She knew she was adopted. She knew she was Jewish. Today, at four years old, she is still working to put the pieces together. And underneath all my feelings, as much as I suppress it and have never voiced the thought, I wonder if we made the right choice for her.

I know we made the right choice. Anna could have spent her entire childhood bouncing from foster home to foster home, only to find herself on the streets at eighteen years of age. I know Anna could have been abused in the system. I know how she may have... more

It is so important to every family - no matter what kind - to do things together as a family. I know that we are certainly guilty of not spending enough time with our kids, and have resolved to work on that this summer. Well, all the time, really.

Speaking of which, here are a few ideas for what to do this weekend.

Shabbat Across America - If you have not yet signed up for this great program, it is probably not too late. Check out the event, run by the National Jewish Outreach Program at hundreds of synagogues across the country... more

I've talked about this issue before, but not for a while. What's in a name? A great deal of thought, time and hope. And often times, in an adoption situation, you are not the only one naming your child. In our case, as in many others, our daughter "came with" a first, middle and last name. When we were able to officially adopt her, there was no question about changing her last name to match ours - she was now part of our family. But we really liked her first and middle name, kept it, and gave her a Hebrew name when she was converted. Here are some things to keep in mind, and some places to look while you think it over.

-- Does s/he have a name already? If your child has already been... more

In an earlier post, I talked a little about when a child becomes part of the family - and in an adoption situation it almost seems to be more complex. However, I think that it actually is more concrete than being pregnant and expecting a baby. In that situation, one has the hope of a baby - the expectation of something happening. In an adoption situation, once you are given a referral, you have concrete proof that this child exists. You have a name, a picture or two, information on his or her background and plans in the works for you to bring your child home.

I know that when Anna came to us, it was a Monday. Over that week, we spent as much "alone" time with her as we could, and... more

Anna, our daughter, is four years old going on fourteen and is adopted. Adam, who turned one year old today is our foster baby and we may or may not be able to adopt him depending on how the situation unfolds. Our four year old has recently been reminding him (not that he cares) that he's not adopted and not part of our family, but he's just living here with us for now. As much as I don't like her attitude with him on this issue (and that's a separate topic altogether which I will entitle "Help! A teenager has taken over my pre-schooler's body!") I know that it is very important for her to know the difference between being a biological, adopted or foster child. There is a very real chance... more

I think being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have. It certainly is the hardest one that I have held - and I've worn many, many hats. But it is by far the most rewarding one, and I can't imagine my life any other way.

And when I say hardest, I suppose I really mean challenging. I have been blessed with a really smart four year old daughter who asks tough questions. So, based on the few years of experience I have had trying to answer her as she ponders the mysteries of life, I'll share some ideas with you now.

-- Only give answers you are comfortable giving. Saying something like "G-d made each of us a little different" or "G-d wanted us to be part of the same family"... more

One of the things that all families should do from time to time is have a family field trip. While long vacations are lovely, they are expensive and few and far between. I think all families can find at least one day a year when everyone is available to do a day trip, taking advantage of local museums, theaters, concerts etc. that are often overlooked. Here are some ideas:

-- Look for something that appeals to everyone in some way. That doesn't mean it needs to be everyone's favorite activity.

-- Check your local paper. Many newspapers have a weekend section, datebook, or some sort of listing of events locally. Many are free and open to the public. Don't forget to check out... more

I went to a meeting for Jewish Adoptive and Multicultural families in New York last week. Unfortunately, I came late and had to leave early, so I didn't get the benefit of the whole evening and missed out on shmoozing with other parents, which I really would have liked. But what I heard was good - it reinforced a lot of ideas and things that we are already doing as a family, and I was also able to pick up some literature that I'll be combing through over the next week or so. Although it seemed to be geared mostly to Jews adopting from China, a great deal of what was said is applicable to any adoptive parent.

Some ideas that I wanted to share with you -

-- If you... more

Oftentimes, especially in America, people move away from their religious background during much of their teenage and young adult years. They seem to drift back in some shape or form when they have children of their own, or are contemplating having children. The high rate of intermarriage - Jews marrying non-Jews - complicates the discussion couples have on what level of observance they will have in their home. One has to first discuss what religion will be taught and followed.

"I'm half Jewish and half Christian" is a line I have heard so many times. It always makes me think to ask which half, in a joking way. But I don't. Instead I wonder how they work it out. Sure, you can technically... more

Jewish Adoption Links List - a work in progress.

AGENCIES/ GROUPS:

Jewish Adoption FAQs - a good place to start - a page at the JCCA website.

Ametz Adoption - a program of the JCCA in New York. Although they do not provide adoption placement, they do homestudies, post-adoption services and other support. They do seem to provide some type of referral service to adoption attorneys if you're interested in going that route.

Adoption... more