This Tuesday is the Ninth of the month of Av, in Hebrew called Tisha B'Av. I always have trouble calling it a holiday per se, because in my mind, the word 'holiday' evokes a sense of joy and celebration. Tisha B'Av is neither of these things. It is a fast day - a day of mourning and remembrance.

I find that happy holidays are much easier to explain to children and certainly much easier to get them involved with days of celebration. Those holidays tend to have family centered or family friendly rituals, foods and customs. Also, they often are marking an interesting point in our people's history - for example, Passover marks the Exodus from Egypt or Shavuot marks the giving of the Torah.

And what of Tisha B'Av? The day goes as follows: In the evening, we gather at synagogue for prayers and the reading of the Book of Lamentations. Quietly, mournfully, while seated on the floor. In the morning we gather back at the synagogue for more prayers and sad readings. There is no eating or drinking from sundown on Monday until one hour after sundown on Tuesday (adults only obviously). And you're even prohibited from reading for pleasure (i.e. Harry Potter).

Tisha B'Av, among other things, commemorates the destruction of both Temples in Jerusalem and the Expulsion from Spain in 1492.

So how do we involve our kids? And what do we tell them about the meaning behind the day?

For me, this quandary is so similar to how I go about talking to Anna about her background. Of course it's much easier and happier talking to a child about where they came from when all you have to explain is the truth about the birds and the bees. But when there's adoption involved, or you have to explain to your child about some difficult and unsettling things about his/ her history, we suddenly become not so inclined and excited to talk about it.

But it still needs to be talked about. And it should be done in a way where it's on their level - providing them with answers to their questions - but without burdening them with too much all at once.

Anna needs to know about the sad days on the Jewish calendar, just as she should get excited about Chanukkah or Rosh HaShanah. She needs to hear about the sad or even darker parts of her past, just as she needs to get excited and warmed by the happier notes of her story.