I think that there are points in one's life where you want to fit in - dress the same, talk the same, look the same and act the same as everyone else. At other times in your life, you may choose to stand out - kids often reach this point in the early teenage years or when they go to college - trying to find out who they are.

It is my belief that children who are adopted may be forced to make these decisions a bit earlier on, or at least are more conscious of the fact that they are making those decisions at all. I always thought that I'd be the parent that wouldn't give into requests from my child trying to be like the other kids in her class (example: Sara has Barbie shoes - I want the same thing - then we can be shoe-twins!) But my kid is facing enough differences as it is - she's a minority within a minority within a minority - Jewish, adopted and black.

I know that some days she will want to stand out, especially as she gets older and understands more that it's good to be a bit different from everyone else - that we shouldn't all be the same. But at the tender age of four years old, try as I might, it's hard for me to get her to appreciate the beauty in differences. I still try, and emphasize that G-d made everyone a little different, and that I love her just the way she is - just like she loves me just the way I am.... But I do end up giving in and going to two stores to find the shoes that will make her feel like she's just like everyone else. Because she's entitled - to some degree - to decide what helps her to feel comfortable with who she is. And if it's shoes that help her find a sense of normalcy, then $14.99 is a small price to pay.