Jewish and Multicultural

I went to a meeting for Jewish Adoptive and Multicultural families in New York last week. Unfortunately, I came late and had to leave early, so I didn’t get the benefit of the whole evening and missed out on shmoozing with other parents, which I really would have liked. But what I heard was good – it reinforced a lot of ideas and things that we are already doing as a family, and I was also able to pick up some literature that I’ll be combing through over the next week or so. Although it seemed to be geared mostly to Jews adopting from China, a great deal of what was said is applicable to any adoptive parent.

Some ideas that I wanted to share with you –

– If you adopt internationally and buy regional artwork or ethnic works while on your trip, have some things brought back for you, or if you aquire pictures, sculptures, etc., keep them in your living room – not your child’s bedroom. Once you change the cultural makeup of your family, it affects all of you – not just your child who may not look like you. Your child needs to know that his/ her culture of origin is part of your entire family – not something that is only for him or her. I heard of a family that adopted a child from Korea, and had paintings or whatnot from Korea in their living room and dining room. Great, right? But when their child grew up and moved out, they took everything down. Wrong! It seems obvious to state it, but just because your child doesn’t live with you, it doesn’t mean that they are no longer part of your family.

– You need to establish normalcy. My kid has a triple whammy – she is Jewish, Adopted and Black. But we try to make things as “normal” as possible. When she – or we – bring up the adopted or minority issue, we make sure and remind her of all the people she knows who are adopted or “brown like her.” If your child is from China, many advocate Chinese lessons – it’s a fine idea, but tread carefully. Just like overloading a child’s schedule with basketball, dance, music lessons, karate and chess club may be great for his/ her transcript, it may not be good for his/ her stress level. Give support and acceptance of his/ her complex identity, but you as the parent will need to show what part of their identity is the focus.

– Imposing religion. Many times we feel, looking at their complex identity, that the Jewish part is the most thrust upon and forced out of everything. We need to get over our ambivalence on this issue and understand that we as parents have some right to set a focus – a frame for the ethnicity of the family. For example, we are an adoptive, multicultural, transracial family, but first and foremost we are Jewish.

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