Anna, our daughter, is four years old going on fourteen and is adopted. Adam, who turned one year old today is our foster baby and we may or may not be able to adopt him depending on how the situation unfolds. Our four year old has recently been reminding him (not that he cares) that he's not adopted and not part of our family, but he's just living here with us for now. As much as I don't like her attitude with him on this issue (and that's a separate topic altogether which I will entitle "Help! A teenager has taken over my pre-schooler's body!") I know that it is very important for her to know the difference between being a biological, adopted or foster child. There is a very real chance that Adam will not stay, and it would be traumatizing for her if one day he wasn't here if she had no preparation for that event.

But when does a child become part of a family? I certainly consider Adam to be part of our family - at least at the moment. I include him in the count when people ask me how many children I have, and my house certainly resembles a home in which an active one year old child lives. But I do think about whether to include him in an official family portrait - or should I take two - one with him, one without him? Do I put his name on a toy box, the way a friend did for Anna, or do I wait and see if he'll be sticking around?

And when do you start to say "I have a child" or "I have a baby"? I know, for us, we started to say that when we were told Anna was coming to us - even before she was actually here, and long before she was adopted. So, really, what makes someone part of the family?