In an earlier post, I talked a little about when a child becomes part of the family - and in an adoption situation it almost seems to be more complex. However, I think that it actually is more concrete than being pregnant and expecting a baby. In that situation, one has the hope of a baby - the expectation of something happening. In an adoption situation, once you are given a referral, you have concrete proof that this child exists. You have a name, a picture or two, information on his or her background and plans in the works for you to bring your child home.

I know that when Anna came to us, it was a Monday. Over that week, we spent as much "alone" time with her as we could, and over the first few days we introduced her slowly to the members of our family. But when Shabbat came at the end of the week, there was no question about taking her to synagogue - of course we did. (It turns out that Anna's foster family took her to church every week - she was probably used to the crowd).

There is a lot to be said about your feelings as the parent about your baby or child being part of the family, but the focus must be centered - at least in the early days - on bonding with your child, and making him/ her feel like they belong with you. Try to take as much time off from work as is possible, or alternate so that you or your spouse is home for the first few days or weeks to make the transition as smooth as possible. If s/he brought a favorite doll or blanket, keep them with the new things that you have for him/ her. Limit your outings to one or two places at first, as well as your visits with others so that your child clearly recognizes which place is home, and which people are part of their family.