There's a balance between telling the whole truth, sugar coating the truth, telling something that's not quite the truth, and resorting to the phrase I have vowed not to use, "Ask me when you're older." I've so far managed to keep that vow.

Anna is nearing four years old. She is black, adopted and Jewish. She spent time in foster care before coming to our home. She is growing up with babies and children coming in and out of her life and while struggling to make sense of that is also struggling to make sense of her own truth. How much and what to tell, and when, is something that I deal with on a daily bass.

Anna is learning about the birds and the bees on an almost four year old level. A lot of her peers are having siblings, and she watches women she knows as her friends' moms grow big bellies and wonders what it means. I took one opportunity to explain to her that all babies grow in a lady's tummy, and that some babies stay with that lady, and other babies get adopted and go to a different mommy.

Then there's the complication of the fact that her story doesn't exactly go like that. She went to live in foster care first (we are in touch with the family) and then her caseworker brought her to us. We talk openly about her past as much as is comfortable for her, trying to make it seem as 'normal' and just part of her life as the fact that she likes grilled cheese sandwiches and wants to be a fireman when she grows up (although last night she confided in me that maybe she'd consent to being a firelady instead).

But how much should I be telling her about Adam's situation? And how do I tell it in such a way that she wont be scared that she too may leave us someday?