Continued from this post here.

What do we tell Anna? Our daughter who came through a similar process of being in foster care, then placed with us for adoption, then adopted. When we got back from our trip to Israel over the summer, we told Anna that we would be looking for another baby to adopt, (she had been asking for a little brother or sister for months) and Adam came to us shortly thereafter.

What do we tell Anna? All along, I've prepared myself for the possibility that he may not stay, and I've tried to bring it up to Anna as well. I've said things like, "Well, right now Adam is a foster baby just like you were a foster baby before you came to be with mommy and daddy." However, I let her call him 'brother' without correction, though from time to time I'll remind her that he's a foster brother. I'll remind her of the foster baby we had about two years ago for nine months. We knew from the beginning we would not be able to adopt him, and after his stay with us he went to grandparents out of state. I tell Anna that if Adam gets adopted, he'll stay with us forever - just like her. But if Adam doesn't get adopted, then he will go to biological family, like our other foster baby. I've explained this a few times, but she seems to think that Adam would go back to his caseworker (she doesn't seem to have a concept yet of what a 'biological family' is, but understands the tangible concept of a caseworker). She asks from time to time if the judge has said Adam can be adopted yet.

I'm a bit scared of what will happen if he leaves. I tell her that if Adam leaves, we will look for another baby to adopt. But will she be scared that she will get taken away someday too? I try to constantly reinforce the idea that she will stay with us forever. I used to think the term "forever family" was pretty hokey and corny; now I see it's real value and meaning, especially for my four year old daughter.