There has been good talk on many adoption blogs lately about Mother's Day - who is it really for? What about Birthmother's Day?

In my family, Mother's Day has always been a day for giving my mother a card and small gift. People ask me if we - as orthodox Jews - celebrate Mother's Day because it's not a Jewish holiday. While Mother's Day has no Jewish origin, it is also a secular holiday with secular founding - unlike Halloween or Valentines Day, which are mostly secular now but come from religious origins. Mother's Day is a great time to make money if you are in the flowers, chocolate or card business. We don't "celebrate" Mother's Day with a mandatory dinner or formal exchange of gifts, and my husband didn't get me anything (and I didn't put him in the dog house, as he has been bouncing from business trip to business trip). But Mother's Day is a good excuse for a get together.

We actually got together with some friends and family - and Anna's foster family. As I've mentioned before, we have no contact with Anna's birth family, so Anna's foster family is her only connection to that part of her past. It was a great day - wonderful weather here, so we were all outside - and it was nice for them to see how well Anna is doing.

But Anna's birth mother was not in my thoughts during the day. I think about her often - what she is doing with her life, what circles of people she is travelling in. Is she on the streets again? Is her life stable? Does she have more children? Sometimes I wonder if she is still alive. When I'm out and I pass someone who vaguely looks like her, I'll scrutinize their face for a bit until I'm sure that it's not her. I've often wondered what I would do or say to her if I ran into her on the street.

I met her a few times during Anna's court process before she was legally free for Adoption, and Anna saw her once. Her birth mother addressed herself to Anna by her first name, not "Mom." I know she loves Anna and probably thinks of her often as well, but selfishly, I was always happy that she acknowledged me as the Mother on that day.